


sometimes it hurts (sometimes you're worth it)

by Cartecka



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-13
Updated: 2016-09-15
Packaged: 2018-07-23 17:37:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 20,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7473513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cartecka/pseuds/Cartecka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kelley desperately needs a place to stay for the summer before her junior year in college. Hope has an empty room.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Kelley hadn’t expected to get the internship. She’d applied four months earlier and had hoped for the best, but she’d been adding her own application to a pool of at least a thousand others and there were only two open spots. But four months later she got a phone call for an interview that she apparently had nailed and the next thing she knew they were telling her they looked forward to working with her.

What all of this meant was a) Kelley had gotten the internship of her dreams at the Hopkins Marine Station where she would be helping Dr. Foudy with her work with tuna, billfishes, and sharks and b) that she needed a place to live that summer ASAP. But with only one week left before the end of the school year and dorm closing she didn’t have much time at all.

She’d posted on facebook, sent messages to all of her closest friends, asked around on the soccer team and checked the school’s Free and For Sale page on the off chance that someone there needed a subletter, but so far she’d come up empty handed. On the bright side, Alex, her best friend, had offered up her couch for as long as she needed it, but Kelley didn’t want to be a burden and she also really didn’t want to spend too much time in the apartment Alex shared with her boyfriend. They’d just moved in together and Alex had already told her far too many stories about how they’d “christened” the house. Kelley didn’t want to get in the middle of that.

 And so, she was frantically looking at craigslist ads and hoping to god that she wasn’t going to get serial murdered when Tobin sat down across from her. Kelley looked up quickly to acknowledge her and then looked right back at her computer. 

“Hey Kel, what’s up?”

“Still looking for a place to live this summer.”

“You’re not going home this summer?”

“Huh? No, dude. I told you ages ago. I got the internship at the Marine Station. Means I’m staying here, except I don’t have housing so I’m going to be living on the streets soon if I can’t figure something out.”

“Have you thought about finding someone to sublet for?”

Kelley rolled her eyes in exasperation.

“Dude, do you ever listen when I talk to you? I asked the whole team, and posted on facebook, and I probably even asked you in person at one point if anyone knew someone who was subletting. Where have you been?”

Tobin opened her mouth to defend herself but it quickly became apparent that there was no defense.

“Sorry, Kel. I’ve been super distracted lately.”

“Might that have something to do with a certain freshman striker?”

“What?” Tobin asked and while they both knew that she knew exactly whom Kelley was talking about, Kelley decided that she’d grill Tobin some other time, because right now, she really needed a house. She turned back to her computer and heard Tobin sigh in relief.

“You’re not getting out of this so easily, Missy. You’re just lucky you caught me at a busy time.”

Tobin blushed deeply and quickly changed the subject. 

“I think I know someone who might be looking for a subletter.”

Kelley looked up from her computer again, eyes hopeful and wide.

“Really? You’re not fucking with me?”

Tobin laughed and shook her head.

“No way man. I would never. I have a friend who just graduated, her name is Hope, and I’m pretty sure her roommate is leaving town for the summer. You could move in probably right after school ends. If you want I can have her text you the details.”

Kelley jumped up from her chair and threw her arms around Tobin’s neck.

“You’ve saved me. You are my savior. I owe you so much.” 

 

* * *

 

Three days later, Kelley was sitting nervously in a small café waiting for Hope. When Tobin had texted Hope, she had confirmed that she was looking for a subletter and that she would be happy to meet Kelley to talk about the apartment. Kelley, who until this point had been ecstatic at having found a place to live, was suddenly nervous. What if this Hope person was a bitch? What if she was crazy? What if she was OCD? Kelley had never been neat. Or what if she didn’t like Kelley and decided that she didn’t want to live with her?

The thoughts swirled in her head and she got so lost in them that when she heard someone say her name, she jumped so much she almost knocked over her coffee. Luckily she was able to catch it before it spilled into her lap. She looked up to the voice and in an instant forgot everything.

The girl standing in front of her was possibly one of the most attractive people Kelley had ever met. Kelley often thought daily that her gay little heart was blessed because every girl she saw, from all of her teammates to the French girl in her Chem lab to the barista at this very cafe, were all gorgeous. But this woman (it felt wrong somehow to think of her as a girl, though she couldn’t have been that much older than Kelley) was something else.

“Kelley, right?” the girl/woman asked, extending her hand.

“Uh, uh huh… yeah, that’s me.”

“Hope,” she said, smiling politely. And suddenly Kelley remembered why she was here in the first place.

“Uh, right yeah, of course. Hope. Tobin’s friend. It’s nice to meet you,” Kelley said. “Can I buy you a coffee or something before we get started?"

Hope raised her eyebrow and glanced down at the cup in her left hand. 

“Right, right,” Kelley said. “Next time then.”

“Sure,” Hope said. “Next time.”

Kelley sat and gestured to the seat across from her.

“So, you need a place to say this summer,” Hope said and Kelley nodded. “Well, I have a two bedroom apartment, but my roommate is spending the summer with her long distance boyfriend in New York before she starts her job here so I’ve got space to fill and half of rent to pay. You’d get her bedroom, fully furnished obviously. She has a queen, and a dresser and a closet that are both half empty. There’s also a little bit of storage space in the building so if you have stuff that you won’t need during the summer you can keep it there. There’s a bathroom, kitchen, washer, and dryer and all that. Your rent would be $875 a month plus utilities which are usually around $100 to be split between us. So yeah, how’s that sound?”

Kelley was nodding before Hope finished.

“That sounds perfect. I’m in.”

“Okay, well, Carli moves out Tuesday morning, so you can move in any time after that. Just text me ahead of time so I can let you in. Here, give me your phone so I can give you my number. Oh and, Carli’s rent is paid through the end of May so you’ll start paying in June. Rent is due on the first of the month so, be sure to get it to me at least a few days before.” 

Kelley felt like she was in a daze as she handed over her phone. She hadn’t quite expected this to go as easily as it had and now she couldn’t believe she had a place to stay with an incredibly gorgeous girl no less. This summer was going to be awesome.


	2. Chapter 2

Kelley had been living with Hope for four days and seen her for maybe all of ten minutes. Granted, part of that was because her internship required her to be out of the house by eight and she rarely got back before six. And, sure, she was usually so exhausted that she would shower and eat quick bowl of lucky charms before curling up on her bed and watching an episode of Game of Thrones, before going to sleep. But, mostly, it was the fact that Hope seemed to rarely be in the apartment. She was never there when Kelley got home from work and usually didn’t get back until after Kelley had fallen asleep. That is, if she got back at all. To be honest, Kelley wasn’t sure if Hope was sleeping in her own bed or not.

She certainly had not slept in her own bed on Friday night because on Saturday morning she came back to the house around ten in the morning, looking the like definition of a walk of shame. Their eyes met for a half a second as Kelley sat perched on the edge of the couch nibbling at an Eggo waffle. She froze.

Hope’s eyeliner was smudged creating a dark halo around her bloodshot eyes. Her usually straight hair was curled and a mess of flyaway and her clothes were all wrinkled. Kelley raised her eyebrows and Hope glared, though Kelley suspected that it was the only facial expression she could manage right then, considering the raging hangover she almost certainly had.

“Rough night?” Kelley asked innocently even as a smirk made its way across her face without her permission. Now, Hope glared for real and Kelley suddenly felt like her icy eyes would cut right through her. She was this close to backpedaling and trying to find something to say to make her stop glaring, but then Hope surprised her by actually answering.

“The night was great. Morning, not so much,” she said and then the glare was gone and she shot a wink Kelley’s way that the smaller girl felt all the way up and down her spine and made her toes curl. And then Hope stepped into the bathroom and the door was shut behind her and Kelley was just left with tingling aftershocks.

As soon as her brain restarted, Kelley washed her bowl and then went to her room. She’d told Tobin and Alex that she’d go paddle boarding with them. They’d been complaining for months that with Alex’s boyfriend and Kelley’s schoolwork, they hadn’t had a chance to get together and have some good girl time.

“I’m heading out!” she shouted to the closed bathroom door. If Hope replied, Kelley didn’t hear it, but she just shrugged and closed the door behind her.

 

* * *

 

“So, what’s she like?” Alex asked as they sat on their paddle boards in the middle of the lake, soaking in the sun rays.

“Who?” Tobin asked.

“Kelley’s new roommate.”

“She’s fine,” Kelley said. “Haven’t seen much of her, to be honest. Does she have a boyfriend, Tobs? Cause she certainly hasn’t spent much time at our house. Including sleeping, if you know what I mean.”

Alex rolled her eyes.

“We know what you mean Kelley.”

Tobin looked across the lake pensively as if Kelley had asked her a deep philosophical question.

“There was a guy, I think. Don’t know if they’re still together. To be honest, Hope and I never talked much. Mostly we just kicked the ball around a bit.”

“Wait. She’s a soccer player?” Kelley asked in surprise. She hadn’t known that. There was nothing in her apartment to suggest that she might have been, unlike Kelley’s room that had cleats, two balls, and way too many Gatorade bottles just lying around.

“She was. Played in high school. She played here her freshman year but I don’t know why she stopped.”

“Like she played intramural or she played on our team?” Alex asked.

“Our team. She was the starting goalkeeper before Lyss.”

Alex and Kelley traded a surprised look. Why would  anyone good enough to play as a starting keeper their freshman year just quit? It was baffling. After all, everyone Kelley knew on the team had worked their asses off to get there and would give anything to keep playing. Tobin didn't seem to have more information on the subject though so Kelley dropped it. 

“Anyway, speaking of freshmen, which we kind of were, want to tell us something Tobs?” Kelley asked cheekily. Alex grinned at Tobin as well.

“Yeah, is there are certain freshman who has caught your eye?”

Tobin blushed and just shook her head in exasperation.

“Christen’s cute okay? And she’s one of the best finishers I’ve ever played with. I like it when people are good at soccer.”

“Hey!” Alex said.

“I said one of the best, Lex. You’re also up there,” Tobin said, indulgently.

“Okay, but are you going to ask her out?” Kelley said, prodding at Tobin’s board with her paddle for emphasis.

“I dunno,” Tobin said with a shrug. “Not sure if she’s into me and I don’t want to make the team dynamic awkward or anything. I like her but...”

Tobin’s eyes were downcast and she seemed to fall in on herself just a little bit. Kelley and Alex looked at each other in surprise and a little bit of concern. They’d known that Tobin had a crush, but they hadn’t thought for a second it was serious enough to affect her like this.

“But what, Tobs?” Alex asked gently.

“I love soccer. I like Chris, but I love soccer and I don’t want to lose either. Maybe it would just be best to just not do anything.”

“Maybe,” Kelley said and she ignored the way Alex glared at her. “Maybe it would be better. Or maybe you’ll just end up pining from afar and maybe you’ll keep falling for her and it’ll be harder and harder to be okay around her. And maybe if you ask her out, she says yes and you fall in love and you get to be in love with her and with soccer. And maybe you break up. But maybe you don’t. That’s a lot of maybe’s and we’ll never know the answer so…sometimes in life you have to go for what you want and just hope for the best. Also, the team has your back always. Both of your backs. Don't worry about us.”

Tobin looked at Kelley with this hard and searching look as if she was trying to find the answers to her questions written in her freckles. Apparently she found what she was looking for because she relaxed a little and a small smile crept across her face.

“That might be the wisest thing I’ve ever heard you say,” Alex said, and while Kelley really wanted to take the compliment, the smirk on Alex’s face told her that it shouldn’t be taken seriously. So instead Kelley splashed her with her paddle and the squealed as Alex returned the favor.

 

* * *

 

“Hey Hope?” Kelley called from her bedroom. She wasn’t even sure if the older girl was home but she was hoping because this was an emergency. Luckily Hope appeared in her door way with raised eyebrows that quickly morphed into a laugh.

“You look like a lobster,” she said through her chuckles. Kelley rolled her eyes. Her paddle-boarding adventures the day before had been really fun and she’d loved having girl time, but she’d paid a heavy price. Every inch of exposed skin had turned a dark pink color and it _hurt._

“Yeah, yeah. I’m a pale Irish kid. I need your help. Do you mind putting some aloe on my back? I can’t reach.”

Still grinning, Hope took the cream from Kelley.

“Turn around.”

Kelley did as told. She held as still as she could but she still twitched a little when the cool cream touched her overheated skin.

“Cold?” Hope asked and her voice was too quiet and too close to Kelley’s ear. Kelley just nodded, unable to open her mouth as swallowing suddenly became difficult.

Hope worked her fingers across Kelley’s shoulders and then to the nape of her neck. Her fingers applied gentle pressure everywhere they went. It wasn’t quite a massage but Kelley was certain that she didn’t need to press quite that much to just spread the cream. Kelley couldn’t stop another shiver when Hope made it to her spine and ran her fingers down until pausing just above Kelley's bra strap.

“This is kind of in the way,” she said quietly and Kelley could tell from the way she said it that she also felt the electricity running between them. Kelley wondered if the hairs on Hope’s arms were standing up like hers were and if she was also having trouble breathing. Without answering, Kelley reached back and undid her bra, letting the straps fall off her shoulders but crossing her arms across her chest before it could fall all the way down.

Hope continued her way down Kelley’s now bare back. Every time Hope’s fingers ghosted over new skin, Kelley had to tense her entire body to keep from shivering. It felt like years but finally Hope stepped back.

“All done.”

Kelley turned slowly and was suddenly very glad that she was sunburnt so that Hope couldn’t see the way the blood had rushed to her cheeks.

“Thank you,” Kelley said.

“Sure,” Hope replied, and then with the smallest smirk she added, “Anytime.”

Kelley wasn’t quite sure how to respond to that, but it didn’t really matter because Hope turned and left the room, quietly closing the door behind her. Kelley looked up at the ceiling and let out the breath she hadn’t known she was holding. She flopped back onto her bed and tried to calm her beating heart.


	3. Chapter 3

The internship was the best thing that had ever happened to Kelley and if anyone tried to tell her that she was exaggerating she would have gone into a long and winded rant about how she wasn’t. She was getting hands on experience in a field that she was interested in with people who were, honestly, some of the nicest and smartest people she’d ever met. She got to spend some days out on the ocean and other days working in the lab, two of her favorite places to be. And she was learning so much. 

But there was one huge downside, which was that if she wanted to work out, she’d either have to wake up brutally early or go after a long day at work. It was only after long hours of deliberation that she decided that if she could wake up for 6am practices during the season, she could very well wake up for the gym during the summer. It would be less awful to wake up early than have to work out after a long day at work.

So, even though it hurt, she set her alarm on Monday morning for 5:45am. When she woke up, for a second, she considered going back to sleep, but the thought of going to preseason out of shape and having to face their fitness coach was enough to get her out of bed. She slipped into some athletic clothes and sneakers and then jogged out of the house.

The morning workout quickly became routine. Sometimes Kelley would just run for the whole two hours. Sometimes, she’d go to the gym and lift. Some days she’d go to the track and do sprints. Most days she’d spend at least fifteen minutes just juggling the ball so that she wouldn’t forget how to use her feet entirely.

This routine helped her feel refreshed and awake during the day, but it also made her crash even earlier in the evening. A few times she fell asleep on the couch in the living room halfway through dinner. Each time it happened, Kelley woke up with a blanket draped over her the next morning and her dishes cleaned. Hope was never around for Kelley to thank her, but that didn't stop the warm feeling that settled in Kelley's chest every time she remembered. 

* * *

 

The first weekend of June was the first weekend since the end of school that Kelley had no plans. Tobin was visiting her family for the weekend and Alex’s boyfriend had promised her a romantic getaway to New Brighton. Kelley had tried organizing a quick game of pick-up but most of her teammates had either gone home or were busy that weekend. Eventually Kelley resigned herself to hanging out on her own all day.

She started her Saturday by finishing Game of Thrones. Kelley knew for a fact that Hope wasn’t home because her door was wide open and the bathroom was empty. So Kelley sprawled out on the couch in a loose tank top and her underwear. It was hot and she honestly didn’t really care. She’d been more naked in front of teammates and roommates before. So when Hope got home, she found Kelley sprawled out on the couch in her underwear, eating honey-nut cheerios right out of the box.

Hope had her trademark I’m-hungover-don’t-talk-to-me glare on until she caught sight of Kelley and her face broke into a grin. Kelley blushed. Hard.

“Yeah, yeah, I look ridiculous. I know,” she grumbled, while trying to casually adjust her tank top to avoid the nip slip that was just begging to happen.

“No, no. You look… well, like a five year old. But it’s kind of cute.”

Kelley rolled her eyes. It was not the first time she’d heard something like that. It wasn’t her fault she was 5’ 5” with far too many freckles.

“Well you look absolutely stunning,” Kelley shot back sarcastically and Hope playfully scrunched up her nose a grimace.

“Well, I’m sure you look like an angel right after a long night.”

Kelley smirked. There were so many things she she wanted to say in response to that. Something like, “Wouldn’t you like to know?” or “How about you come and find out.” But she stopped herself. Apparently the smirk was enough though, because Hope’s cheeks turned a little bit pink.

“Got any plans today?” Kelley asks, steering the conversation to smoother waters.

“Uh, not really. I was just gonna relax. You?”

“Same. I just finished Game of Thrones and I’m looking for something to do.”

Hope leaned back against the door frame for a second, looking at Kelley so intensely that Kelley felt the need to cover her bare legs.

“Let me shower because I feel absolutely disgusting and then we’ll figure something out.”

Kelley grinned wide.

“Okay, I’ll be here. I might even have pants on by the time you’re out.”

Hope just laughed before disappearing into the bathroom.

* * *

 

Kelley did indeed have pants on when Hope got out, and she had run a brush through her hair. When Hope had asked Kelley what she’d wanted to do. Kelley had at first shrugged but Hope had pressured her and Kelley admitted that it had been far too long since she had last kicked a ball around with someone. Hope had agreed readily, though she did complain a little about having just showered. 

So they jogged to the soccer fields. They started simply with passing but as time went by, they started talking strategy. Hope’s position as a goalkeeper meant that she was uniquely qualified to help Kelley figure out her new left back position. Her freshman year she had played as a forward but with the addition of Christen Press and Crystal Dunn to their roster, Coach Ellis had decided that maybe Kelley’s abilities would be more useful elsewhere. After a full season at left back, Kelley was starting to feel comfortable in the position, but she wasn’t going to turn down help.

And that was how it started. They worked on one-on-ones and Hope’s hands were all over Kelley, on her lower back, her arms, her stomach. Incidental contact was to be expected but for some reason all of it felt really deliberate to Kelley. She returned the favor and discovered almost immediately that, while Hope may not have played soccer in three years, she was certainly not out of shape. Everything about her was solid and strong.

She was also very good. She had almost no trouble keeping the ball away from Kelley and, while Kelley was still a rookie defender, she couldn’t help but get frustrated that she was being held at bay by a goalkeeper who hadn’t played in three years. And it didn’t take much for Kelley to use that frustration to push maybe a little too much and Hope went down. She looked up at Kelley from the grass.

“That was a foul,” she said plainly.

“You went down easy,” Kelley shot back though she knew that it wasn’t true.

Hope raised an eye brow and then with speed that could have only come from her goalkeeping days, her hand shot out and grabbed Kelley’s wrist, dragging her down to the grass next to her.

“Yeah, so did you,” she said dryly. Kelley couldn’t help but laugh.

“That’s definitely a red card.”

Hope chuckled in response and then lay down so that she was staring up at the sky. Kelley followed suit.

“You’re really good, you know?” Hope said quietly. “You think that you’re supposed to be a forward or whatever, but you’re really good. You think the right way and you’re willing to fight. I think you should get used to being on the backline. It suits you.”

Kelley fidgeted. Abby, their captain last year, had said something similar and, while Kelley was happy to help out her team any way she could, there was something that didn’t sit quite right. She’d been a good forward, a really good one. She’d tied with Amy for most goals her freshman year, getting more than Abby and Alex. She missed it.

“What?” Hope asked, picking up on Kelley’s rare silence.

“I… I was a really good forward too. And I can’t figure out why coach moved me back, you know? Not Alex, not Amy or Abby. She moved me back. Also, she didn’t need to recruit two new forwards. She had me. Why not get a good defender instead? It’s like she didn’t want me playing up top.”

Hope rolled over so that she was resting on her elbow and looked down at Kelley’s face. In this position Kelley felt very small and normally she’d feel vulnerable but something about the way Hope was looking at her made her feel safe. Hope had a small smile and her eyes were softer than Kelley had ever seen.

“I can’t pretend to be able to read her mind or anything, but I think she saw something. She saw that you were willing to do anything for your team and that you were smart enough and game savvy enough to learn a new position essentially over the summer. I don’t think she moved you because she thought you were a bad forward, but because she didn’t trust Abby or Alex or Amy with playing back there. They just wouldn’t have been as good.”

Hope paused and suddenly Kelley felt like she was drowning in the blue of her eyes.

“You… you are an incredible player because you’re able to see past your position and understand the game as a whole. It’s amazing and not everyone can do that. Ellis saw that you could. With the way you see the game, you could probably play any position on the field really well.” She scrunched up her nose and with a twinkle in her eye added, “Well, maybe not goalkeeper. You’re tiny.”

“Hey!!” Kelley said, sitting up quickly. “I’d be a great goalkeeper and you know it. Put me in net right now and I’ll show you.”

Hope laughed loudly and freely and Kelley could have sworn the stars were in her eyes with how they twinkled.

“We don’t have gloves, but next time I’ll be sure to bring some and you can show me your skills.”

Kelley grinned.

“You bet! Alyssa better watch out. I’m coming for her.”

Hope shook her head and rolled her eyes.

“Sure, sure.”

“Why did you stop playing?” Kelley asked innocently enough once the giggling had stopped. Hope looked up at her and Kelley saw a flash of something, anger or sadness, but it was gone in a second. Hope’s expression became far too smooth and Kelley could tell that there was some sort of very strong emotion simmering under the surface, but had no clue what it was.

“Wasn’t fun anymore,” Hope said and Kelley could tell that that was all she wanted to say about it. Kelley itched to ask more but instead just curled her toes and scrunched up her nose.

“That sucks.”

Hope relaxed slightly as she realized that Kelley wasn’t going to press the issue. They fell into a slightly strained silence until Kelley’s stomach growled loudly and she groaned in embarrassment.

“You hungry?” Hope asked, laughing.

“No…”

“Really?”

“… No…”

“Come on,” Hope said, standing and brushing off her pants before offering a hand to Kelley, “Let’s go get some food.”

Kelley reached out and let herself get pulled up, but Hope was stronger than Kelley expected (though by now she should have known) and Kelley was lighter than Hope expected so they ended up chest to chest. Instead of stepping away with a laugh and a joke, as Kelley might have done with anyone else, she froze. Hope didn’t move away either. Kelley had to tilt her head back a little to look up at Hope from this angle and she swallowed slightly when their eyes met. Hope’s were just so damn blue. And they were pulling her in. Or maybe Hope was leaning down.

Hope’s stomach growled and the two girls stumbled away from each other.

“Uh…” Kelley said, trying to kick-start her brain into remembering words.

“Food,” Hope said.

“Yes, food,” Kelley replied, nodding, “We should go get that.”


	4. Chapter 4

A week after one of the most awkward lunch dates ever (though neither Kelley nor Hope would admit it had been awkward because that would be admitting that something had almost happened) Kelley found herself sitting in the hall outside the apartment, completely drunk and very unsure of where her keys were. The only thing she was sure of, was that they were not in her purse or her bra and there was nowhere in her tight black dress they could possibly be hiding. 

Kelley was drunk enough that she was having trouble thinking of ways to help herself. Tobin had dropped her off and had offered to help her up to her apartment but Alex had been in the back seat even worse off than Kelley and neither girl had wanted to leave her alone. So Kelley had pretended to be a little more sober than she was and had, by some miracle, made it up to her apartment.

Tobin was probably still helping Alex and shouldn’t be bothered. Alex was drunk and there was no way she’d be any help. Kelley knocked on the door but she was pretty sure Hope wasn’t home. She should call Hope. She fished her phone out of her purse and tried to dial Hope’s number.

“Kelley?”

“Uh oh,” Kelley said. “You’re not Hope.”

“Uh, no Kell. It’s Erin and it’s the middle of the fucking night. Are you drunk?”

“Shhhhh…. Don’t tell mom,” Kelley said.

“Oh no. Are you okay?”

“Yeah. I just am trying to call Hope.”

“Okay, well… I’ll let you go then. Just… are you alone?”

“Huh? No… I’m… yeah, but its okay. I’m home.”

“Okay,” Erin said, sighing in relief. “Just go to sleep Kell, okay?”

Kelley nodded and hung up, remembering a little too late that Erin couldn’t see her.

On her second try, Kelley focused a little harder and was this time able to actually call the right person.

Hope picked up on the third ring, breathless and a little irritated.

“Hopey!” Kelley all but shouted into the phone.

“Kelley?” Hope asked, surprised. Kelley could hear a guy’s voice on the other side telling Hope to hang up but she was too drunk to make anything of it.

“What’s going on Kelley? Why are you calling?”

Kelley liked the sound of Hope’s voice. So much, in fact, that she forgot why she was calling for a second. She looked around.

“I remember!” she said. “I’m locked out.”

“Are you drunk Kelley?” Hope asked.

“Yeah. But also I’m locked out. Please save me.”

Hope sighed. There was a pause as she talked to whomever she was with. He responded angrily but she clearly ignored whatever he said because she turned back to the phone.

“I’ll be over in like twenty minutes. Stay where you are, okay?”

“Okay!” Kelley sang.

On the bright side, drunk Kelley was incredibly easy to keep entertained. Twenty minutes passed incredibly quickly and the next thing Kelley knew, Hope was stepping out of the elevator onto their floor.

“Hopey!!” Kelley said, getting clumsily to her feet. It was a mystery to her as to how she hadn’t broken anything in these heels yet. She took them off.

“Shhhh, people are sleeping Kelley,” Hope hissed, but it was paired giggled that had Kelley giggling right back.

She looked at Hope and grinned. The taller woman’s cheeks were flushed and her eyes a little dazed.

“You’re drunk,” Kelley whispered as if it were a secret.

“Not as drunk as you,” Hope retorted, pulling out her keys and pushing the door open. Kelley walked in, waited for Hope to shut the door before turning to her with twinkling eyes.

“Yeah, but you’re still drunk. You know… I’ve never seen you drunk before. It suits you.”

And it did. Hope smiled much more freely when drunk. Her eyes lit up at everything Kelley did and said and the slight blush in her cheeks softened the somewhat harsh lines of her face.

“You’re really pretty when you’re drunk,” Kelley added.

“Oh, and I’m not when I’m sober,” Hope said, with the attitude of someone who knows exactly how attractive she is at all times.

“Hmm, no my bad. You’re gorgeous when you’re sober but even more when you’re drunk.”

“Is that so?” Hope said, her breath ghosting across Kelley’s cheeks

And maybe it was because Kelley was drunk, but she was pretty sure Hope just teleported because there was no way she got this close without Kelley noticing. Kelley stumbled back a little because looking up at Hope made her dizzy but Hope caught her with an arm around her waist.

“Uh huh,” Kelley said, though it was really more of a sigh.

Hope looked right at Kelley’s lips and Kelley was sure that every little bit of oxygen had left the room because breathing had suddenly become impossible. Kelley could see it coming from a mile away but it was still a surprise when Hope pressed her lips to hers, because never had Kelley imagined that this would actually happen. Kelley responded fervently dropping her shoes and purse to wrap her arms around Hope’s shoulders.

Hope pulled back and looked Kelley in the eye.

“I can stop if you want,” she said, as if she knew that it was the last thing Kelley wanted.

“Don’t you dare,” Kelley whispered back and then they were kissing again. Kelley tried but couldn’t stop the light moan that escaped through her lips when Hope tightened her hold on Kelley’s waist. She didn’t try to stop her hands as one made it’s way to the back of Hope’s neck to tangle into her hair and the other clenched into Hope’s shirt, pulling her closer.

Kelley couldn’t really taste much of Hope under the taste of alcohol, but she could smell her a little bit. She smelled like her shampoo and like the air freshener she used in her room and mildly of aftershave. Had Kelley been a little more sober she might have put two and two together but thinking was getting harder and harder as Hope bit down gently on Kelley’s lower lip.

They were moving, slowly and clumsily to Hope’s bedroom, a fact that Kelley was only barely aware of, which is why she was surprised when her knees hit the back of the bed. She fell back so that she was sitting and looking up at Hope with blown pupils. The slight pause gave Kelley’s mind a chance to catch up and all of sudden she felt sober and a little nervous.

It would be a lie to say that she didn’t want this to happen. After all, she had been attracted to Hope from the start. But they were roommates and they still had another three months, give or take, to live together. Kelley was hoping to avoid as much awkwardness as possible. Hope seemed to sense her hesitation.

“Do you want to stop?” she asked, though even as she said it, she knelt down and put her hands on Kelley’s thighs just above the knees, making it really hard for her to think.

“Uh… I… You’re my roommate,” Kelley sputtered out. Hope moved her hands a little higher.

“Yeah? So?”

“I don’t know if… Maybe we shouldn’t.”

“Why not?” Hope asked. “We’re both adults. And clearly we both want this.”

Kelley closed her eyes so that she didn’t have to look directly into Hope’s darkening eyes but that only make her more aware of the way Hope was dancing her fingers lightly across her legs. It was becoming increasingly difficult to think of good reasons not to. Kelley opened her eyes slowly and bit her lip. It wasn’t meant to be a flirty gesture. She was still trying to think. But Hope’s eyes caught the movement and dropped to her lips. And that was all it took to change Kelley’s mind. Nothing else mattered except getting Hope to kiss her again.

Kelley reach out and put her hand onto Hope’s jawline and pulled her slowly into a deep, languid kiss. When they broke apart Hope looked at Kelley questioningly and Kelley nodded in response.

“Move back,” Hope whispered and Kelley did, moving until she was lying on her back on the bed. Hope crawled after her until she had a knee on other side of Kelley’s hips and was hovering over her, propped up on her arms. Kelley couldn’t help but let out the smallest of whimpers.

“You good?” Hope asked in a quiet rasp. Kelley didn’t think she could say words so instead she pulled Hope down and kissed her. Hope stopped holding back. Her tongue almost immediately made it’s way into Kelley’s mouth, causing another whimper from the smaller girl and she moved one of her hands to Kelley’s abdomen. She tensed under the touch and pulled Hope closer by her shoulder.

All the while, Hope’s hands danced up and down Kelley’s side each time getting closer to her breasts before going back down leaving Kelley squirming until they finally, gently, brushed against them. The groan that Kelley let out at the light contact had Hope smirking and then adding a little pressure. Hope moved her mouth from Kelley’s lips to her cheek, to her jawline and then lower down her neck to her collarbone.

Kelley felt it everywhere. Each time Hope’s hand pressed down on her breast, a shiver ran through her whole body and every time she bit or licked at her neck, she couldn’t help but moan a little. It wasn’t enough though.

Kelley pushed back on Hope’s shoulders, dislodging her. For a half a second, Hope looked concerned, worried that she might have gone too far but then Kelley reached back behind her, struggling with the zipper of her dress. Hope’s expression melted into a wicked smile and she kissed Kelley passionately. It didn’t help Kelley much with the zipper but before she could complain, Hope reached around her and shoved Kelley’s hands out of the way. She slowly and smoothly pulled the zipper down until it wouldn’t go and further and then peeled down the sleeves so that Hope had full access to Kelley’s chest, now covered only by a meager push-up bra. Hope leaned back for just a second to look. The intensity of her gaze had Kelley looking away in embarrassment. Hope’s eyes raked up and down Kelley’s torso, taking in the solid and defined abs to her freckled breasts, and her strong arms.

But she didn’t look for too long before she pressed two quick, chaste kisses to Kelley’s mouth and then moved lower and lower, every so often pausing to bite and lick and kiss. Kelley shivered when Hope ran her tongue along the top of her bra, nipping lightly at the exposed skin before running her hands behind Kelley’s back and deftly undoing her bra. Once it had be removed, Hope pushed Kelley’s shoulder so that she was lying back down and without anymore pretense, she brought her lips down to Kelley’s nipple. The sound Kelley made was downright obscene, the result of all the teasing and of the weeks that she had subconsciously been waiting for this.

Hope paid due attention to Kelley’s left breast and then replacing her mouth with her hand, moved her lips to the right. Kelley’s hands knotted into Hope’s hair and she was arching her back off the bed. It was partially due to the alcohol but if Kelley had been pressed to say where she was at that moment, she wouldn’t have been able to answer. Everything she knew in that instant was Hope. Hope’s hands, and her lips and the way her body felt as it pressed down into Kelley’s.

“Hope,” Kelley moaned, trying to get the older girl’s attention, “I need… please…”

Hope gently bit Kelley’s nipple before pulling away.

“What do you need?”

“Please, lower. I need… Please fuck me,” Kelley gasped out. Hope grinned. Her hands travelled down the sides of Kelley’s body, pushing the dress that still hung around her hips lower and lower. Kelley arched off the bed to help her until the dress fell to the floor. Hope returned her mouth to Kelley’s breasts and Kelley squirmed. This woman was going to kill her.

“Hope,” Kelley implored. “Please.”

The tightness in her core was bordering on painful. She knew she was wet and throbbing and ready and Hope was not being helpful. Kelley could take some teasing, but not much. She was impatient by nature. Finally, she gave up waiting. In a maneuver that only worked as well as it did because Hope didn’t expect it, Kelley hooked her leg under Hope’s and flipped them so that she was straddling Hope. She looked up at her in surprise.

“I’m tired of waiting,” Kelley growled and if Hope hadn’t looked turned on before, she certainly did now. She watched Kelley straddle her thigh and grind down. The smaller girl moaned loudly and the arms supporting her trembled a little. She did it again, rolling her hips down against Hope’s jeans and moaning as she was able to get the friction she so desperately needed through her underwear. For a while, Hope was just content to watch as Kelley rode her thigh. Occasionally, Hope brought her leg up a little, just as Kelley went down, resulting in a moan that approached a cry. But it soon became clear that Kelley was more than able to get herself off like this and that didn’t sit well with Hope.

“Come here,” she said, pulling Kelley forward a little by the hips. Kelley followed albeit reluctantly but was almost immediately rewarded when Hope pushed down her underwear and ran her fingers through Kelley’s folds. There’s nothing Kelley could do at this point but let her head fall onto Hope’s shoulder and press a moan into the soft fabric of her shirt.

“You’re so wet,” Hope whispered into her ear just as her thumb brushed gently against her clit for the first time. Kelley nearly came right then and there, but instead just let out another embarrassingly loud moan. Hope played around for a little bit longer, running her fingers along and around but never inside while her thumb gently, and then a little more firmly, danced around her clit. The next morning, when she was a little more lucid, Kelley would come to the conclusion that this was definitely not Hope’s first time with a girl. Kelley’s hips started rocking into Hope’s hand, begging for more and Hope obliged immediately with one finger, matching Kelley’s rhythm stroke for stroke. Kelley cried out and her left arm buckled a little, but she was still able to rock back, harder and faster, onto Hope’s hand.

Hope added another finger and, at this point, Kelley was such a mess that all it took was one well-timed swipe of Hope’s thumb paired with a particularly deep thrust of her fingers and Kelley’s arms buckled as she came. Hope caught her with her free hand and was able to hold her up enough that she could continue to work Kelley down from her orgasm as the smaller girl tried to muffle her cries into her shoulder. When Kelley stopped shaking, Hope stilled her hand and then slowly pulled it out.

Kelley just lay on top of her gasping for a bit before she was able to shakily push up onto her arms and look at Hope.

“You’re still fully dressed,” she said and she started tugging uselessly at Hope’s shirt. She didn’t get very far before Hope grabbed her hands to stop her.

“And you look like you’re going to pass out any second.”

And that was probably true because, god, Kelley was tired. It must have been nearly three in the morning and Hope had just given her one of the best orgasms of her life and her body was still trying to process the obscene amounts of alcohol that Kelley had consumed earlier. She was exhausted. But she felt like she needed to return the favor.

“But you haven’t-”

“Shhh, Kel. It’s okay. I’m fine. You should just sleep, okay?” Hope said softly, and the nickname alone did more to put Kelley at ease than the words that followed. Kelley was about to try to argue but she felt her eyes dropping and she knew that she wouldn’t be able to convince the older girl.

“Hmmm, okay…”

Even exhausted, still a little drunk, and definitely still a little high off her orgasm, Kelley knew that she shouldn’t wake up in Hope’s bed the next morning. She knew it in the sort of intuitive sense that she knew that Hope wouldn’t want to talk about it and probably wouldn’t even acknowledge it. So, despite her exhaustion, Kelley pushed herself up and off of the bed. She grabbed her underwear and dress, slipping it on because she felt exposed. She went out into the hall, picking up her purse and shoes on the way.

On autopilot, she changed into her pajamas, and by the time her head hit her pillow, she was out like a light.


	5. Chapter 5

Kelley woke up the next morning with the headache of the century and no clue where her Tylenol was. She'd stumbled most of the way to Hope’s room before she even remembered the night before. She paused for half a second before her headache forced her forward and she knocked.

It took a second but eventually Hope opened the door and she looked at Kelley with raised eyebrows. Her expression was impassive but Kelley could tell that she was worried that Kelley would try to bring up the night before. Kelley wondered briefly if Hope would be more bothered if Kelley tried to say it was a mistake or if she asked to do it again. Not that it mattered because that wasn’t why she was there.

“I need Advil or Tylenol or something. My head is killing me. Please.”

The tension between Hope’s shoulders dissipated as she realized that Kelley had either forgotten the night before or was choosing to ignore it. Either scenario was fine with her.

“Rough night?” Hope asked.

Kelley just grimaced in response.

“Have you eaten anything?” Hope asked as she rummaged through her nightstand drawer to find the pills. “Because you really should take these with food.”

The idea of food made Kelley’s stomach turn.

“No… I think I’ll throw up anything I eat right now.”

Hope returned and handed Kelley the pill bottle.

“Give it back whenever. Also try to eat something. Saltines maybe.”

Kelley just groaned in response and trudged back to her room. She took the pills and then curled up under her blankets, wishing that she had stayed a little more sober the night before. Eventually she fell back asleep.

When she woke up two hours later it was to the smell of bacon and coffee and a growling stomach. She slowly trudged out of her room. Hope was standing in the kitchen over some bacon, eggs, and toast. Kelley’s mouth watered.

“Good morning,” Hope said, cheerily. Though she wasn’t facing her, Kelley could hear the smirk in her tone. Kelley knew that she must look like shit. She just grunted in response.

“I made bacon and eggs for two. You want some?”

For a split second, Kelley could have sworn she was in love.

“Yes, please yes. I’m so hungry.”

Hope laughed and then handed her a plate, telling her to serve herself. They sat down and, while Hope had never made her food before, it felt normal. There was no awkwardness from the night before. Just two roommates eating breakfast together. For a bit Kelley started to doubt whether or not the night before had happened or if it had just been a wild alcohol-induced dream, but she caught the way Hope kept glancing almost guiltily at her neck. It was only once breakfast had been eaten and the dishes cleaned that Kelley caught sight of herself in the mirror and saw the trail of hickeys running down from just below her jaw all the way to the tops of her breasts. She groaned. She was going to get so much shit for this.

* * *

  
Luckily Kelley was able to avoid Tobin and Alex until the bruising had faded. She was glad she wasn’t going to have to explain where they came from because telling them that she’d drunkenly slept with Hope would only lead to endless questions, comments, and concerns. Kelley didn’t have the energy to deal with that, especially since, for all intents and purposes, that night had never really happened.

During the two weeks since that fateful night, life in the apartment had been normal i.e. the two girls hadn’t seen much of each other and when they had, they were civil. But to Kelley, a lot had changed. Her attraction to Hope, which had been present from day one, had only gotten stronger. She couldn’t look at Hope without remembering her hands or her lips or the way her blue eyes looked when dilated. She’d had five dreams in nine days that had resulted in her needing to take a very cold shower. The only reason she had refrained from touching herself was because she knew it was a terrible idea to masturbate to the thought of someone she had to see daily and who slept right next door.

Regardless, Kelley had spent the last two weeks getting progressively more and more frustrated, so when Alex and Tobin had invited her out clubbing with a few other people on the team, Kelley hadn’t hesitated. She was going to drink until she was loose and maybe, hopefully, find someone to make her forget about Hope (though she highly doubted there was someone skilled enough to do so).

So far the night had gone according to plan. Two hours in, Kelley was three shots, two beers, and a rum and coke deep. She danced with Alex and Ali, laughing at Ash’s un-rhythmic dancing that might have more aptly been described as sensual flailing. Just as she was getting hot enough to need a break, Tobin slid in next to her and leaned close.

“There’s a girl at the end of the bar who has been staring at you for like the last fifteen minutes. You should buy her a drink.”

Trying to be subtle about it, Kelley glanced and immediately caught sight of her. She was pretty, gorgeous in fact. Dark haired and built like a model. Definitely Kelley’s type. Kelley grinned a wide a wicked grin that had Tobin laughing.

“I’ll see what I can do.”

Casually, Kelley made her way out of the crowd on the dance floor to the bar. She sidled up next to the girl and flagged down the bartender.

“I’ll take a rum and coke and whatever she’s having.”

Kelley turned and winked at the girl who immediately flushed.

“I’ll have the same,” she said and the bartender turned to fetch them their drinks.

Kelley turned back to the girl and openly appraised her, causing her to blush even further.

“Kelley,” she said, as way of introduction. “You?”

“Ann,” she replied.

“So, what brings you here tonight Ann? A night on the town with friends? Drinking and dancing to forget? Or were you hoping to go home with someone?”

Kelley had always found that being ridiculously brazen and straightforward generally worked for her. People were usually pleasantly surprised to hear it from the short freckled girl.

“Uhhh, I came with friends, but they kind of joined up with that group of guys over there.”

“Not your thing?”

Ann smirked slightly.

“Not really.”

The bartender dropped off their drinks and Kelley thanked him before turning back to Ann.

“So, they left you all alone at the bar. Not really the best friends if you ask me.”

“I didn’t ask,” Ann replied. “But you’re probably right. Though, if them leaving me lead to meeting you, I might just have to thank them.”

Kelley laughed.

“Yeah, I’ll definitely have to thank them as well.”

Ann smiled and then asked Kelley about what she did. They talked, the usual small talk laced with open and unsubtle flirting, until their drinks were gone.

“Do you want another?” Kelley asked, gesturing at their empty glasses. “Or do you want to dance?”

Ann simply grabbed Kelley’s hand and pulled her onto the floor. It was easy to find a rhythm to dance to with all the bodies moving around them. They started just facing each other, holding hands, a chaste distance between them pretending for a second that they didn’t know how this was going to end. But soon the crowd and the music and their attraction to each other pushed them together so that they could grind to the beat of the music. The moved in time with the music and one another. Kelley had her hands low on Ann’s hips and Ann had wrapped her arms around Kelley’s neck.

The song changed from a fast-paced dance track to a slower, more sensual house beat and Kelley wasn’t quite sure who initiated or even when it started but the next thing she knew they were kissing. Making out really, because no time was wasted before tongues clashed and hands roamed. Ann was a good kisser. Not as good as Hope but she was still able to pull a couple gentle moans from Kelley that they felt rather than heard. Of course, Kelley was more than capable of returning the favor. They alternated between dancing and kissing and it was hard to tell when one ended and the other began but Kelley was getting more and more turned on by the second. She ran her hand down Ann’s back and then lower to cup her ass. Ann groaned into Kelley’s mouth and then suddenly pulled away. She grabbed Kelley’s hand and impatiently pulled her out of the crowd.

“I know we just met and all, but you’re really hot and a really good kisser and I really want you to fuck me,” Ann murmured into Kelley’s ear before guiding her towards the bathrooms.

Kelley wanted to pretend that she was above fucking in a club bathroom but all of the sexual tension that had built up the week before, added with how much Ann turned her on, kept her from arguing. She needed to get off and if it had to happen in a bathroom, well, she’d take what she could get.

Unfortunately, they didn’t make it that far. They were just about to turn the corner to the hall when a couple voices shouted out “Ann.”

Both Ann and Kelley turned and Kelley saw Ann’s friends making their way towards them.

“Hey!! You left us. We’ve been looking for you. Come on, we’re headed to a bar a block away with the guys.”

Kelley glared at the girl but she didn’t notice.

“I’m going to stay here for a bit more,” Ann said, tightening her grip slightly on Kelley’s hand as if she were afraid that Kelley were going to disappear. Kelley squeezed back to reassure her that there was no way in hell she was leaving.

“Nooooo,” Ann’s friend said, grabbing Ann’s free arm and latching on. “You promised a friend night. You have to stay with us.”

Kelley could see Ann biting back her frustration, sexual and otherwise. The retort that they had abandoned her first must have been on the tip of her tongue but Ann clearly had more self-control than Kelley because it never came. Instead, she sighed with a finality that made disappointment sink into Kelley’s chest. Ann turned to her.

“Can I give you my number? I get it if you never want to call the girl that ditched you, but if you ever want to meet up, I’d be down.”

Kelley didn’t say anything and instead simply handed Ann her phone. The other girl tapped in her number and then before Kelley knew it, she was being whisked away. Kelley stood there dumbly for a second, angry at Ann’s friends, a little angry at Ann and mostly angry at turned on she was. Kelley groaned and buried her face in her hands before turning to rejoin her friends.

“Where’d that girl go? I saw you two going at it,” Tobin asked.

“Left with her friends,” Kelley said with a little bit of bite but Tobin missed it.

“Her loss,” she shrugged and pulled Kelley in so that they were dancing again, but Kelley’s heart wasn’t really in it anymore. The heat of the bodies around her and each shift of her thighs against each other simply served as a reminder of how frustrated she was. Luckily, she only had to bear with it for another fifteen minutes before Lauren, tired and very aware of how much they’d all had to drink, was rounding everyone together and getting them into the car, checking everyone for phones, wallets, and keys. It was a short ride back to her place and Kelley waved happily at her friends as they said good-bye, Lauren rolling her eyes at their antics before reminding Kelley to drink water.

  
 When Kelley got into her room, she shed her shoes, dress and underwear immediately, allowing herself to fall onto her back on the bed. One of her hands fell to her breast and the other trailed it’s way down her stomach putting pressure where she needed until she was cupping between her legs. She moaned immediately. It felt so good to finally feel some relief. She ran her fingers across her nipple, gently tugging with each pass. Her hips bucked upwards into her hand and Kelley closed her eyes. She pictured Ann, blushing and shy but with a hungry glint in her eye. She pictured the way she would have bitten her lower lip when Kelley moaned. Kelley pictured Ann pausing in her ministrations just long enough to pull her shirt over her head. Once her shirt was gone though, Kelley no longer saw Ann and instead pictured Hope strong and steady, hovering over her as she slipped one and then almost right after another finger inside of Kelley and pumped in and out at a steady rhythm.

Kelley was gasping and moaning and getting so, so close when the front door of the apartment slamming closed startled her into pausing. Kelley could hear Hope rummaging around in the kitchen and then moving into her bedroom and Kelley knew she should stop or at least find a pillow for her to muffle her moans into. But she was too far gone and the idea of stopping was entirely appalling. And maybe she hoped that Hope would hear her. Maybe she hoped that Hope would want to join her. After all, she could handle this herself, but it was always so much better with a little help. So Kelley resumed pumping in and out.

As soon as she could, she added a third finger trying to get deeper and faster at the same time. She didn’t bother masking her moans and she knew Hope could hear her through the walls. She finally came with a loud gasp-moan that she was sure even the neighbors heard if they were awake. When she regained her bearings a little, Kelley strained to hear what Hope might be doing but the apartment was entirely silent. She couldn’t help but admit that she was disappointed but at least she was a lot less tense. She could feel the tightness that had gathered into her body leaving and it was such a relief.

Kelley pulled her covers over her and tried to fall asleep but she wasn’t quite tired enough and her mind was buzzing. After tossing and turning for a few minutes, she gave up and decided that if she wasn’t going to sleep, she may as well shower. She got up, and as drunk as she was didn’t bother to put clothes on. She’d just have to take them off once she got in the shower anyway.

But when Kelley stepped out of her room, Hope was in the living room, sitting on the armchair that faced Kelley’s room with a hand down her pants and a scowl on her face. Kelley thought she might die right then and there and as soon as she remembered how to move, she turned back into her room, shutting the door behind her. She buried her face in her hands as she curled up on her bed. There was no way she was going to fall asleep at this point.

It didn’t matter though because it was only a matter of seconds before Kelley’s door swung open and Hope stumbled onto Kelley’s bed. She smelled heavily of tequila even to Kelley who had her fair share to drink. Her eyes were bloodshot and a little wild.

“Someone already failed to get me off tonight,” Hope slurred as she straddled Kelley’s hips. “And then I get home and you’re… That’s not fair. Okay? You’re not allowed to get off if I’m not. It’s not fair.”

Kelley wasn’t quite sure what Hope was talking about and she wasn’t quite sure how to respond, not that it mattered. Hope pulled her shirt up and over her head and undid the button her pants before rolling over so that she lay on her back next to Kelley. She reached over and a little roughly, though not painfully, grabbed at Kelley’s hips. In a daze, not quite having caught up with what was happening, Kelley followed until her knees were on either side of Hope’s hips.

“You can’t do that, Kelley,” she growled. “Not unless you’re willing to help me. Do you understand?”

Of course Kelley understood and it sent a thrill up and down her spine. She leaned down and pressed her lips heavily into Hope’s. Hope’s hands were in Kelley’s hair immediately, dancing the line between painful and encouraging. Kelley could feel the frustration and the tension coming off Hope in waves and she wondered if Hope had been as bothered the last two weeks as she had been. Her hands were tugging at Hope’s pants almost immediately. Hope raised her hips enough that Kelley could push them down for Hope to kick them off. Kelley didn’t bother teasing or waiting as she pulled Hope’s underwear down as well.

Hope moaned loud and wild when Kelley’s fingers slipped through her folds. Whatever Hope had been doing in the living room had been effective because Kelley’s hand was instantly soaked. Hope’s head fell back as Kelley easily slipped a finger inside and started pumping slowly. Kelley moved her mouth to Hope’s neck letting her tongue and teeth dance across the smooth skin.

“More…” Hope gasped. “More now!”

Immediately Kelley added another finger inside her and a thumb on her clit. Hope’s hips started bucking up in an erratic rhythm that had Kelley fighting to keep up but she didn’t care because there was nothing she wanted more than to see Hope come undone under her. It took almost no time before Hope gasped, tensed and then let out a shuddering groan that ran through her entire body. Kelley kept moving her hand until Hope grabbed her wrist to stop her and pull her out.

“Did that help?” Kelley asked innocently. Hope responded by pressing a bruising kiss into her lips. She pulled away and looked at Kelley with a look that was part confusion and part curiosity. Kelley made a move to wipe her dripping hand on her sheets but Hope stopped her and pulled the hand up to her lips. Very slowly, and keeping eye contact with Kelley, she licking up and down the length of Kelley’s soaked fingers until they were almost entirely clean. Kelley groaned and squeezed her thighs together. When she was done, Hope let go of Kelley’s hand and got up off the bed, stretching her arms over her head.

“Talk about unfair,” Kelley groaned and Hope just chuckled. She stood, grabbed her clothes and had her hand on the door knob before she turned back to Kelley and said, “We should do this again sometime.”

Kelley’s jaw dropped but Hope was gone before she could answer.


	6. Chapter 6

It did happen again. That Tuesday, in fact, when Hope came home in the evening angry and frustrated at something that happened at work.

“Oh, hey, I didn’t expect you-“ was all Kelley was able to get out before Hope had her pinned against the kitchen counter.

Then again on Friday when they Hope decided to watch a movie and Kelley, not having anything better to do, plopped down on the couch next to her.

They never talked about it. They rarely talked at all, to be honest, but Kelley didn’t mind. They didn’t need to talk about it. It was easy and simple and it felt good.

Kelley spent that week practically skipping on air. She was having the best sex of her life with an incredibly gorgeous woman. Not only that, but she loved her job and she had friends who loved her. To be honest, she could find absolutely no fault in the world around her.

On Saturday, Kelley went out with the team again, but this time they just went out to dinner and then a chill night at a bar. A couple people noticed her good mood but when they asked her, she just replied with a shrug.

“So… What’s it like living with Hope?” Amy asked eventually as everyone had settled at the table with their drinks.

“Uh, it’s good. She’s not there that often but when she is, she’s nice enough.”

Amy looked skeptical for some reason.

“Hmm,” was all she said in response.

“What?” Kelley asked suddenly defensive.

“Nothing… It’s just… the people in our class heard rumors.”

“Rumors?” Kelley asked, wondering if she wanted to hear this.

Amy looked to Lauren and Heather for support. Heather just looked away uncomfortably, and Lauren sighed.

“We don’t really know what went down. All we know is that she and Abby were in the same grade, and during our first year, when Abby was a sophomore, she and the upperclassmen mentioned Hope a couple times,” Amy said. “No one ever really said what she’d done but they didn’t seem to like her very much.”

“As Amy just said,” Lauren was quick to add. “None of us really know what happened. It seems that she did something that pissed everyone off. At this point the only people left on the team who knew anything about it have graduated. Abby, Cap and Boxxy were the only ones left who were around.”

Kelley looked down at her drink. Abby wasn’t a bad person. In fact, she was one of Kelley’s favorite people in the world, due mostly to her fierce and unrelenting loyalty and kindness. She was the kind of person that made sure the freshmen on the team were included when the team went out. She would spend extra time on the field with a player who was struggling and if anyone ever felt uncomfortable for any reason, she was there to help. Sure she sometimes lacked a filter and sure, sometimes she came off as a little too aggressive but that was only because she cared so much. She never liked the idea of holding back her emotions. She wasn’t the kind of person to make snap judgments about anyone. There was no way she would ever say anything negative about a person who hadn’t done something to deserve it.

But Kelley also knew Hope. Kind of. Maybe. Sitting at that table, Kelley realized that she knew very little about Hope. They never talked much. In fact, the most they’d ever talked had been that one day when they’d played soccer but even then the moment it had gotten even a little personal, Hope had shut her down. Despite this, there was one thing Kelley was sure of.

“She’s not a bad person,” she said. Amy shrugged and the conversation quickly moved on to lighter topics. But the conversation lingered in the back of Kelley’s mind, less because she was worried that Hope was secretly an awful person and more because she realized that she barely knew her roommate.

* * *

 

Hope didn’t come home at all that weekend and Kelley didn’t see her again until Wednesday evening. She came back from work, exhausted after having spent the entire day staring at a computer screen, trying to organize the observations they had collected into a readable format. It had been frustrating to say the least and Kelley just wanted to eat some mac n cheese and pass out. But when she got home Hope was sitting on the couch, watching some baseball game looking more at peace than Kelley had seen since she’d moved in.

“Hey, Kel,” she said, “I ordered pizza and there’s some left in the kitchen if you want.”

“Uh, yeah thanks.”

Kelley went into her room to change out of her work clothes into PJ’s and then grabbed a couple slices of the veggie pizza and sat down next to Hope.

“Rough day at work?” Hope asked casually.

“I look that bad, huh?” Kelley asked.

“No. You look fine. You’re just quieter than usual.”

“Yeah. Just a lot of data consolidation. It’s my least favorite part of the job but arguably also the most important so… Whatever. It’s over for now. At least until we go back out and do another round of observations.”

Hope hummed lightly in response and Kelley looked at her curiously.

“You seem happy.”

Hope turned to her and smiled.

“I guess.”

“What has you cheesing so hard, Solo?” Kelley asked. “Or should I say who?”

Hope laughed.

“Uh, no, nothing like that. I don’t actually know. I’m just happy I guess. Nothing today has gone wrong and that’s always rare.”

Kelley, despite her exhaustion and frustration at work, grinned back at her. The two sat side by side on the couch watching the game with detached interest. Kelley was vaguely aware that the Angels were ahead of the Orioles by a few runs but she didn’t really care if she was being honest.

“What’s your family like?” Kelley asked Hope.

Hope didn’t look away from the screen.

“Why are you asking?”

“I dunno. I was hanging out with friends and they asked about you and I realized that I don’t know you that well. Do you have siblings? Did you have a pet growing up? Are you the tallest in your family?”

“I have an older brother. I have two dogs. And my mom is shorter than me, but my brother is taller.”

“Where are you from actually?” Kelley asked, realizing that she had no idea.

“Richland, Washington.”

“Ahh, a west coast girl.”

Hope turned to Kelley with raised eyebrows.

“Where are you from?”

“Peachtree, Georgia.”

For some reason, Hope thought this was the funniest thing in the world.

“What?”

“Nothing… I just… I’m just picturing you as a sweet little southern belle and I just can’t. You don’t seem the type.”

“I’m not. It’s the twenty-first century you know. Stereotypes don’t necessarily apply.”

“Sure, sure,” Hope replied, still grinning.

Kelley huffed out a breath but quickly came to the conclusion that arguing was pointless. Instead, she opted to change topic.

“So, what did you get your degree in?”

Conversation flowed freely between them. Kelley suddenly found that she wasn’t really tried anymore because Hope was funny and she seemed to genuinely care when Kelley was talking. They talked for an hour at least before a comfortable silence fell between them. Kelley was happy that she’d sat down and starting asking questions because what she’d learned about Hope had only served to enforce her perception of her. She was smart, determined, ambitious, but also caring. She loved her family despite their many faults. She loved Carli, her roommate and best friend. She loved her dogs back home and every time she Skyped her mother she asked to talk to them too. Kelley didn’t know it yet, but this was probably where the line between physical attraction and genuinely liking Hope started to blur.

But there was one question Kelley hadn’t asked that had been bugging her for weeks. She knew she shouldn’t but Kelley was often too curious for her own good.

“I know I already asked, but why did you really stop playing soccer?”

Hope tensed and turned to look at Kelley sharply. It took all of Kelley’s self control to keep her expression neutral and not to flinch.

“I…” Kelley knew that if she continued Hope would only get angry and defensive but she didn’t stop. “Some of my teammates mentioned that something might have happened your freshman year. They didn’t say what. I don’t think they knew but… I was just curious.”

“It’s none of your business,” Hope replied. She wasn’t angry. Not yet anyway. But there was a warning tone to Hope’s voice that immediately shut Kelley down.

“Sorry,” Kelley replied, dejected. Hope sighed and closed her eyes. When she opened them again, she looked apologetic.

“I’m sorry. I just don’t… It wasn’t a good time. I had a lot going on and I said some things and did some things that I probably shouldn’t have. I wasn’t wrong. I just didn’t handle things the right way I guess.”

She paused and seemed to be collecting her thoughts. Kelley sat still as a statue, afraid that any movement would make Hope run.

“I came in as a freshman and no one expected me to start. But then the starting goalkeeper at the time badly sprained her wrist during the first week of practice and we were told she wouldn’t be able to play again until just before playoffs. So, coach put me in her place and I did well. So she said she’d let me keep playing but that Scurry would play in the playoffs. I thought that if I played well enough during the regular season she might give me a chance during the playoffs. I did play well enough. My goals against average was 0.432 for those games.”

It was a revelation to watch Hope talk about goalkeeping. Her confidence in her own abilities and the pride with which she talked about them mesmerized Kelley.

“Anyway, the game before the playoffs started, Coach Ellis put Scurry in to test her and get her some minutes. And she played a really bad game. Her chemistry with the backline was off and she was a little out of shape to be honest. She’d only gotten cleared for full pace shots the week before and was out of practice. So when the playoffs came around I started the first game and the next all the way up to the finals. Then, in the finals, for some reason, Coach Ellis decided that I wouldn’t start. Scurry would. I was pissed. Not necessarily because I wouldn’t get to play, though I was disappointed, but mostly because I had been doing so well and I thought I deserved that spot. I was sure that Ellis only let her start because it was Scurry’s last major game before she graduated. Whatever her reasoning, we lost. Badly.”

Hope stopped talking abruptly. For a second, Kelley thought that might be it to the story, but she was unwilling to believe that Hope would stop playing just because she wasn’t allowed to play one game. Hope clenched her jaw.

“I… I was angry and frustrated and… I used to get really invested in games and in my team and winning. I’m sure you understand. We had gotten so close to winning and I’m not saying that we would have definitely won if I had been in but I think we would have had a much better chance. Anyway after the game, I told Coach Ellis that she made a bad decision and that I was a better keeper than Bri and she should have played me. I thought it was just her and me but Abby and Kristine Lilly, our captain at the time, were just leaving the locker room and they heard me. In no time at all, I had been ostracized by the entire team. They thought I was vain and prideful and they took words that I had said in the heat of the moment and turned them against me. I never said that Bri was a bad goalkeeper and I never meant to criticize her game, but they all rallied around her. She’d been a leader of sorts for the team for the last three years and I was just the new freshman. For the rest of the year, they ignored me. Lill was a center back and she refused to listen to my directions when I was in goal. Every time I stepped out on the field, the team fell apart because no one trusted me.”

Hope let out a shuddering sigh and Kelley was surprised to see her eyes were a little wet.

“At the end of the year, Lill came up to me and told me that if I cared about the team at all I would quit. I had other things going on as well at the time with family and stuff, and I decided that I didn’t want to be on a team that was making my life hell so I took her advice and quit.”

Kelley wasn’t sure what to say to Hope’s story. It wasn’t what she’d expected. Sure, what Hope had done was a little shitty. After all, whether she meant to or not, she had essentially dissed a teammate, and teammates were supposed to support each other. And at that point, she wouldn’t have been able to change the results so she probably should have just kept her mouth shut. But her intentions hadn’t been bad and one mistake certainly didn’t mean she deserved the treatment she got. To Kelley, a team was supposed to be a second family and it was certainly the case for her. Abby was like an older sister to her. Alex and Tobin were her partners in crime. She trusted them and the rest of her teammates to have her back. She couldn’t imagine what it would be like if they all simultaneous turned their backs on her.

Kelley looked at Hope. The normally tall and proud girl seemed to have deflated and she looked so small.

“You loved them,” Kelley said. “The team. You loved them right?”

“Doesn’t matter now, does it?” Hope growled in response. It was a yes to Kelley’s question but also a reaffirmation of the fact that Hope hadn’t really wanted to talk about this in the first place. Kelley closed the distance between them so that she was sitting thigh to thigh with Hope. She reached a hand up to Hope’s jawline so that Hope would look at her.

“It matters. It affected you, whether or not you like to admit it. They were important to you and they hurt you. That matters.”

Hope’s eyes flitted around as she tried to find somewhere to look other than directly into Kelley’s eyes.

“I’m sorry that they did that to you. I’m sorry that they hurt you and I’m sorry I wasn’t there to stop them.”

Hope scoffed and pulled away.

“You wouldn’t have stopped them.”

“Of course I would have,” Kelley shot back, a little offended that Hope thought otherwise.

“You know I thought that about all of them. We were teammates and then they all turned their backs on me. One mistake and it was over.”

Hope was crying now. Angry tears that made her eyes seem brighter rather than duller. Her hands were clenched into fists in her lap.

“And I’m saying I wouldn’t have done that. Okay? I wouldn’t have.”

“Oh, and why not? What makes you so different?” Hope’s voice was scathing and cutting and Kelley would be lying if she said it didn’t hurt.

“Because I care about you,” Kelley replied softly. Hope froze. She turned slowly and looked at Kelley like she was a very difficult problem that needed solving. Kelley wasn’t quite sure what she was looking for, but she needed her to understand that she was serious.

“I care about you okay? And I know you. I know that you’re a good person and that you didn’t mean to hurt anyone. I know that it was just a mistake and I wouldn’t persecute you for that.”

Hope let out a slow exhale. She seemed to be thinking hard, but her expression had softened a little and Kelley was pretty sure she believed her. Hope brought her hand up to Kelley’s cheek and pulled her in to a gentle kiss. It was soft and chaste and it made Kelley’s heart swell. Hope pulled away and whispered a gentle thank you that Kelley almost didn’t hear.

“You’re welcome,” she replied awkwardly. The kiss had been too intimate for their relationship at that point and Kelley wasn’t sure how to process. Hope didn’t say anything in response and Kelley wasn’t sure what she could say either. They fell into a loaded silence.

“I, uh, I need to sleep,” Kelley said, suddenly, flinching as her voice broke the heavy silence. “I have work tomorrow.”

Hope nodded, her face impassive. Kelley was worried that Hope thought that the kiss had made her uncomfortable or that the thank you afterwards had, so as she stood to go to her room, she pressed a kiss to Hope’s forehead.

Despite her busy day, it took Kelley a while to fall asleep that night.


	7. Chapter 7

Kelley and Hope had gotten remarkably good at acting normal around each other and pretending that nothing had changed. But, while Kelley did a great job of not showing it, she felt different. First of all, she started looking at her teammates with a more critical eye. She wondered if they would have turned on her they way they did to Hope if she'd said something bad about Abby when Coach Ellis had moved her to left back? Would the older players have defended Abby since they knew her longer and in many ways she was their leader? And if they had, would Tobin and Alex, girls in her own class, have turned as well? Kelley tried to avoid those thoughts but they kept nagging in the back of her mind.

Second of all, Kelley had to admit to herself that she probably had feelings for Hope. At the moment, they could be described as a simple crush but the more time Kelley spent around her, spent thinking of her, the stronger her feelings became. She tried to ignore them because she knew that Hope had no interest in her past casual sex, though they hadn't hooked up at all since Hope had bared her soul. So Kelley let the crush simmer just under the surface and tried to keep it from boiling over.

One weekend, about halfway into July, Hope left town to visit her parents. She left Kelley with a warning not to burn the place down while she was gone and a cheeky smile. Kelley hoped that their time apart would help settle her crush but she didn't think it would.

While Kelley could have gone out with friends, she decided that she wanted to take full advantage of the empty apartment. She brought a blanket and some pillows out onto the couch and settled in for a quiet night in with some hard apple cider and a rom-com.

She was halfway into the movie, and had fallen into the sort of bliss that can only come from being perfectly warm and comfortable, when a loud knocking on the door startled her. For a second, she thought it might be Hope before remembering that she had flown out to Washington early the day before and wasn’t expected to return till Sunday. Also, she had a key. Kelley wondered who else it could be as she tried to untangle her feet from the blanket.

“Hope!!” a male voice yelled at the door and the pounding resumed. “Hope!!” 

Kelley got off the couch, and practically ran to open the door. She flung it open and found herself face to face, well, face to chest really, with a man who must have been over a foot taller than Kelley. He was not only tall, but he looked strong and muscular, with a mean-looking face. It took Kelley fighting all of her survival instincts not to slam the door in his face and lock it.

“Who are you?” he asked, rather rudely.

“Kelley. I’m Hope’s subletter,” Kelley replied just as bluntly.

“Huh,” he said, and then a little more calmly. “Uh, is Hope in? Have you seen her?” 

“Who’s asking?” Kelley replied, not quite ready to trust the guy who had been ready to break down her door a second earlier.

“I’m Jerramy,” he said and stuck out his hand. 

“Uh, okay,” Kelley replied and shook, immediately intimidated by the fact that three of her hands could have fit into his. 

“I’m Hope’s boyfriend. She hasn’t been answering my calls. I think she might be avoiding me.”

“If she’s avoiding you, shouldn’t you give her space or something?” 

Jerramy squinted down at her and Kelley immediately felt insulted. Yeah, she was small but she wasn’t a fucking ant.

“I just want to know what I did wrong, because it’s really hard for me to apologize if I don’t know, you read me?”

Kelley frowned.

“Well, it’s going to have to wait. Hope left town for the weekend. She’s not here.”

Jerramy fell silent and looked at Kelley like he didn’t quite believe her. For a second, Kelley thought she might have to fight him to keep him from going into the apartment but he just slammed his hand loudly into the door frame. Kelley jumped back, startled and a little afraid. He looked at her apologetically and gave her a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“Alright. Thank you. Have a good evening.” 

Kelley watched him all the way down the hall until he stepped into the elevator. Then she closed the door behind her and slid down till she was sitting on the floor. Only once the mild panic subsided did Kelley’s mind process what he had said. “Boyfriend.” Hope had a boyfriend. She had presumably had a boyfriend when they’d slept together. Kelley suddenly felt sick to the stomach. There were a lot of things she was willing to do. She wasn’t above hooking up with a stranger. She wasn’t above one night stands. She wasn’t above getting a good fuck and then moving on and promising to call when she knew she wouldn't. She was even okay with being someone's rebound sex. But she never ever wanted to be the ‘other woman’. Cheating was completely abhorrent to Kelley. She never wanted to be the cause of someone else’s pain, even if that person was as much of an asshole as Jerramy seemed to be.

Tears ran down Kelley’s face as she miserably buried her head in her hands. She cried until she was exhausted and then she dragged herself to bed and buried her face into her pillow until sleep finally claimed her.

* * *

The next morning, Kelley woke up angry. She’d cried out all of the sadness the night before and now was just pissed. Hope had used her. And while she hadn’t necessarily lied to her, she certainly hadn’t told her the whole truth. Kelley had never been been naive enough to think that the sex had meant anything other than a good time, but she couldn’t help but feel like Hope had betrayed her. Not because she’d thought they were exclusive (though the thought of Hope sleeping with someone else made her stomach turn), but because she thought Hope had at least respected her enough not to make her an adulteress.

Kelley went for a run, pushing harder than she usually did until her muscles ached and her breath came out in gasping breaths, but the anger that boiled in her chest made it impossible to sit still. Kelley went to the soccer field and started to work on her shots. She had often felt left out during the last year as the strikers got to participate in shooting practice. Kelley and the other defenders usually were excluded in this activity, doing more defensive drills instead. Her freshman year she'd always found shooting practice right before games calming and therapeutic and had never quite found something to replace it since. It was okay though. Coach Ellis seemed to like it more when she was a little all over the place.

Now, she just hoped that the activity would be as calming as it used to be.

Her first kick was a brilliant ball from nearly thirty yards out right into the upper ninety.

“Stupid Hope,” Kelley thought as her foot connected with the ball. Each shot flew with incredible pace into the net. The sound of the ball smacking against the back of the net hard enough to make it billow was a sound Kelley would never get tired of. She kept at the drill, pretending that each goal was a game winner. She kept going until her shots got haphazard enough that she knew continuing would do more harm than good. She fell back and lay on the ground eyes closed.

Her chest still hurt. She was still angry. She didn’t want to go home because she knew Hope would be home tonight and she didn’t want to face her. So Kelley lay in the field till the sun started to set and the dried sweat on her skin made her shiver. As much as she wanted to, she couldn’t spend the night out on the field. She took her time gathering the balls and trudged back to the locker room. She showered there, and dragged that out as well so that by the time she left, the sky was dark. 

When she got to the apartment, she sent out a silent prayer, begging for Hope not to be there. Of course, it wasn’t answered.

“Hey,” Hope said, happily from the couch. She had a bowl of ice cream on her lap and some TV show playing on her computer. She paused it to turn to Kelley with a grin. “I was wondering where you were.”

“Working out,” Kelley replied shortly. 

“Bad day?” Hope asked, surprise coloring her face at Kelley’s tone. 

“Sure.”

Kelley didn’t quite slam the door behind her, but she did close it hard enough to let Hope know that she wasn’t happy with her. The tears the Kelley had successfully held at bay all day began to flow down her cheeks. This wasn’t supposed to happen. She wasn’t supposed to sleep with Hope. She wasn’t supposed to fall for her. She wasn’t supposed to be this hurt. She’d just needed a place to stay for the summer. 

Kelley forced herself to take a deep breath and was gratified that it didn’t end in a sob. She just had to get through the rest of summer and then she never had to see Hope again. She could delete her number and pretend that this had never happened. It was just another month and a half. In the meantime, Kelley would just spend as little time in the apartment as possible.

“Hope probably won’t even notice. Too busy with her boyfriend,” Kelley though bitterly to herself.


	8. Chapter 8

Hope noticed. Kelley knew that she noticed because, for some reason, Hope was there every evening, sitting on the couch, as if waiting for her. And Kelley? Well, she kept getting home later and later as she spent more and more time at diners and cafes, so that she could just go to sleep when she got home and wouldn't have to dodge Hope's small talk. When the weekend finally came around, Kelley casually suggested a sleepover weekend to Tobin. With some pressuring from Alex, they were able to convince her to host at the small studio apartment that she was renting for the summer.

It was a great excuse to not be home for the whole weekend and Kelley was looking forward to unwinding with her friends. Her internship was exhausting her and trying to avoid Hope was only making it worse. The one downside to this plan was that Alex and Tobin knew her a little too well.

“Alright Kelley,” Alex said, suddenly. “What’s going on?”

The three girls were somehow crammed onto Tobin’s twin bed, with High School Musical playing on Tobin’s laptop, though none of them had really been watching. Kelley looked down into the bottle of her Angry Orchard, trying to gauge whether or not she could finish the last bit in one gulp. She decided that she could and nearly choked but it was better than answering Alex’s question.

“Kelley?” Tobin asked, pausing the movie so that Kelley could no longer pretend to be watching.

They wouldn’t let up. Well, Alex wouldn’t let up and Tobin would just go along with it, because she was just as curious and worried. Kelley sighed.

“I slept with Hope,” she started. She was going to continue but was interrupted by Alex’s loud exclamation.

“What?”

“It was a while ago and it happened more than once,” Kelley said.

“How long a while ago?”

“A few weeks.”

“What? And we’re only finding out now?”

Kelley just shrugged. She understood why Alex was angry. She would be too if one of her best friends slept with their roommate and didn’t spill all of the details right after.

“Okay, okay,” Tobin said, soothingly. “That was a while ago. What changed?”

Kelley didn’t want to say it. It made her feel dirty and awful but Alex was simmering next to her with barely concealed concern and curiosity and Tobin was looking at her like she was about to tell her that she had some terminal illness.

“She has a boyfriend. Found out last weekend.”

“That bitch,” Alex’s response was immediate and scathing. It made Kelley feel a little better.

“It wasn’t… It wasn’t serious. I didn’t think that we were dating or anything and I’m… I’m not mad that she was sleeping with someone else. I kind of figured that she had been seeing someone since she was never home but….” Kelley trailed off as a sob escaped. She squeezed her eyes shut trying to stop the tears that she knew were threatening to fall.

“It was a shitty thing to do,” Tobin said, voice still soft and supportive. “Made you feel like she was using you.”

Kelley nodded and hated herself a little as another sob escaped. Alex tugged at her shoulders until Kelley could curl up in her arms. They were all silent for a bit, Alex holding Kelley like she could protect her from the whole world, Tobin running her fingers through her hair soothingly. Eventually the sobs became more and more intermittent until they stopped altogether. Only then did Tobin speak.

“I know you said you didn’t expect anything from her but…” she trailed off and Kelley could see her trying to form the right sentence in her mind. “You still liked her right? Like… there were feelings yeah?”

Kelley sighed and willed herself to not start crying again.

“Not while we were sleeping together, but we hung out sometimes afterwards. And she was really sweet and smart. She told me what happened her freshman year and… yeah, I liked her.”

Tobin nodded.

“That sucks dude.”

Kelley let out a surprised laugh. That wasn’t exactly the response she’d expected but in some ways maybe it was the perfect one.

“Yeah, it does,” she replied.

“Let’s finish watching this movie, yeah?" Alex said, not letting go of Kelley just shifting so they could be more comfortable. "And then we can grill Tobin on her love life. Or lack thereof.”

Kelley chuckled and thanked god for her friends.

* * *

 

Kelley spent all day with Tobin and Alex, the two girls doing their best to distract her. They were mostly successful, particularly Tobin when she suggested they all go surfing. They spent most of their Sunday at the beach, surfing, tanning, and playing footy. The water, sun, and sand did miracles to improve her mood and general outlook on life but eventually she had to go home. Alex offered up her couch again but Kelley declined. She needed to be an adult and she would have had to grab work clothes from her apartment anyway.

Alex and Tobin gave her long hugs when they dropped her off, reminding her she could call anytime and they would be there for her. Kelley thanked them warmly and then steeled herself to go home.

She’d hoped that Hope would be out or in her room or distracted enough by the TV to ignore her when she came in. No such luck. Hope was in the living room, reading a book but as soon as Kelley opened the door, she put it down and stared at Kelley. She didn’t say anything until Kelley’s hand was on the doorknob to her room.

“Did I do something?” Hope asked. Her voice was soft and a little unsure. She sounded hurt. Anger flared up in Kelley. Hope didn’t have the right to be hurt. She had hurt Kelley, she had cheated on her boyfriend, and she had humiliated Kelley.

“What makes you say that?” Kelley asked, as if she didn’t know that just her tone of voice would have clued Hope in to exactly how she was feeling.

“You’ve been avoiding me. And you’re clearly angry about something.”

Kelley turned to face Hope slowly.

“Your boyfriend swung by last weekend.”

Hope was on her feet in a second.

“Did he do something to you?”

The concern in her voice threw Kelley for a loop. She hadn’t expected it. She had expected a little bit of contrition maybe or immediate defensiveness. But it wasn’t enough to derail Kelley’s anger.

“No, but he seems like a real charmer,” she spat back.

“I’m sorry, if he said anything that hurt you. I didn’t see his texts until it was too late.”

"That’s not what I’m pissed about,” Kelley snapped and then took a deep breath to steady herself. “You slept with me. We had sex. While you had a boyfriend. You cheated on him with me. You made me a home wrecker. Do you know how shitty that feels?”

Hope froze. Kelley stared her down. She didn’t know what Hope could say to make it better, but she wanted her to find something. She wanted her to say something that would make it all go away but Hope didn’t move or do anything.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” Kelley spit out and she left Hope standing there in the living room. 

* * *

The next day, when Kelley got back from her morning run, she smelled pancakes. She walked in warily, not wanting to have to face Hope, but she wasn’t there. Instead all she saw was a stack of pancakes and a note next to them that simply said “I’m sorry.” Kelley debated being petty and throwing them out but there was no reason to get rid of good pancakes, and just because she ate them didn’t mean she had to forgive Hope. She left the empty plate on the counter and on the backside of Hope’s note scribbled the words, “Do you also make your boyfriend pancakes after you fuck him?”

The words were designed to hurt. It didn’t deter Hope, though. She made an effort to give Kelley space, to the point where Kelley didn’t actually see her for the next three days. But every day after her run, there was waffles, or some scrambled eggs. Kelley ate them all, ripping up the “I’m sorry” notes that came with each or writing “I don’t care” on the other side for Hope to see. On Thursday night Hope’s patience seemed to reach its end though because when Kelley got home from work, she was sitting on the couch facing the door as if waiting for Kelley to walk in.

Kelley ignored her and went into the kitchen to get her dinner.

“Kelley, please,” Hope begged. “I just want to talk. Please.”

Kelley took a deep breath and then turned to face her. 

“Alright. Talk.”

Hope looked surprised, as if she hadn’t quite expected it to work. 

“I… I wanted to apologize to your face. I know you don’t want to hear it, but it’s the truth. I am sorry. The first two times I was drunk, we both were and I… I know that’s not an excuse but Jerramy… He’s really bad okay? And I’d get home from being with him where he was the only one getting anything out of it and I just needed…” Hope trailed off. Kelley simply stared back impassively as she munched on the leftover pizza she was eating. 

“I don’t love him,” Hope continued. “He came around during a time I really needed someone and he was nice enough. He… He understood what I’d been through and he was supportive and fun to be around. But I never loved him and now, I’m not sure I even like him. Don’t know if you noticed but he’s possessive and he’s got a temper. I should have broken up with him ages ago. I kept meaning to and… I guess I just got so used to having him around, you know? He was just always there and it was a little scary to get rid of someone who had supported me for the last three years. I broke up with him, by the way. After that weekend. I went home and got some things sorted out and talked to my brother and he gave me the strength to finally do it. Anyway…”

Hope looked absolutely miserable.

“I’m sorry I hurt you. That was never my intention. I just… I needed someone and you were there and you were attractive and willing. And I shouldn’t have… I used you and I’m sorry.”

Kelley didn’t know what she was feeling. She wanted to be angry still, but would be lying if learning that Hope had broken up with her boyfriend hadn’t sparked some hope in her. And Hope seemed incredibly sincere. But Kelley was still hurt and she certainly wasn’t going to make it that easy for Hope. 

“Okay,” she replied and tried to go to her room. Hope stepped in her way. 

“Okay? Does that mean …?”

“I listened to what you had to say, but I haven’t forgiven you Hope. Not yet. I need time to think and I need space.”

Hope sighed, but nodded and stepped aside so that Kelley could pass. 


	9. Chapter 9

By the time the weekend came around, Kelley had made a decision. She would be civil towards Hope. She would say “hi” when she saw her. She might even ask how her day was, but they would no longer watch movies together or eat meals together. Civil, not friendly.

Of course, this became very difficult when Hope was being overly friendly towards her. She no longer made her breakfast, but she offered dinner when Kelley got back from work. When she sat down and watched a movie Friday night, she asked if Kelley wanted to join. Kelley forced herself to say no even though curling up on the couch to watch a movie sounded great. It pained Kelley to do so but she didn't want to submit quite yet. Really, she just wanted things to go back to normal, at least as much as possible.

And then, on Saturday night, when Kelley was out with Ali and Ash at a bar, she got a text from Hope.

“Can I have the apartment for a bit? Two hours max.”

Kelley just sent back a “sure” that she hoped didn’t show any of the jealousy she was feeling. She had no right to be jealous, she knew it, but somehow a part of her had believed that Hope had broken up with Jerramy for her. It was stupid, she knew it and she felt dumb just feeling it, but she was angry at Hope all over again. But Ali and Ash made it impossible for her to sulk as they dragged her onto the dance floor, laughing as they went. It was enough to distract her for a bit.

An hour later, Kelley was dancing the line between tipsy and full on drunk and she scrolled through the contacts on her phone. Ali and Ash decided that they would head home and they had offered Kelley a ride that she had politely declined. Even at the club, they had been all over each other. Kelley wasn't sure she really wanted to be alone with them. Not to mention, she still had an hour to kill before Hope had said she could come back. She also needed to kill the jealousy that was making her chest tighten uncomfortably. Even with the liquid courage coursing through her veins, Kelley hesitated briefly before sending the text.

_Hey, this is Kelley, from the club. You’ve probably forgotten about me, but if you’re down I’d like to pick up where we left off. Text me if you’re not busy._

Kelley was nervous as she sent it. She wondered if Ann would be insulted by the very obvious booty call. She wondered if she even remembered her. All of Kelley’s brazen confidence couldn’t convince her that she had been memorable enough for Ann to even want to text her back. That is until her phone dinged.

_Your place or mine?_

_I have a roommate, so is yours okay?_

Ann sent her an address and Kelley called an Uber.

* * *

She rang the doorbell to Ann’s apartment nervously. It was the first time she’d done something like this. It wasn’t unusual for her to go to a party and go home with someone but she had never booty called someone before (at least not someone she hadn't been dating) and wasn't quite sure what the protocol was. Ann rang her up and for half a second, Kelley debated leaving and never seeing her again but then she remembered that Hope was at their apartment with someone else and that was all the encouragement she needed.

Ann opened the door for her with a smile and ushered Kelley in. The apartment was small but quiet and clean and Kelley liked it immediately.

“Hey,” Kelley said, blushing and not quite making eye contact.

“Hey,” Ann replied, sounding just as nervous.

For a second, it was awkward.

“Do you want a drink?”

“Sure.”

Ann poured them both a glass of wine. Kelley drank it quickly, finishing it in a handful of gulps before realizing that she looked like a crazy person and that she would almost certainly come to regret chugging wine like that.

“Sorry,” she said, putting her glass down on the counter, still refusing to look at Ann. "I’m a little nervous."

Ann laughed gently.

“Yeah, me too. You’re kind of the first person I’ve ever done this with.”

Kelley grinned and suddenly looking at Ann wasn't hard at all. She took a step forward so that there was only a foot of space between them.

“Oh really?”

“Y-yeah.”

And Kelley remembered then how shy Ann had seemed when they’d first met. She was relieved that Ann might be even more nervous than her.

“Well, in that case, I’m honored.”

Ann blushed and Kelley realized that Ann inviting her in should have been more than enough permission not to feel nervous. She clearly was okay with whatever was going to happen and there was no point in holding back. Kelley stepped all the way into Ann's space and kissed her. It was chaste, at first, but Kelley hadn’t come here for chaste and Ann knew that. She put her glass of wine down and wrapped her arms around Kelley’s shoulders. Kelley’s arms snaked around her waist and pulled Ann till they were pressed together, chest to chest, hip to hip, thigh to thigh. In almost no time at all, Ann was tugging at the bottom of Kelley’s shirt, while pushing her towards the bedroom.

* * *

Kelley got back to her apartment at nearly one in the morning, feeling more at ease than she had in a while. Ann had done exactly what Kelley had needed her to do. And she’d been good. Good enough that Kelley was wondering when she might do this again. The apartment was dark, tricking Kelley into thinking that Hope had gone to sleep already.

“You know you didn’t have to stay out this late,” Hope said, startling Kelley as she stepped out of the bathroom. Kelley took a second to slow her heartbeat before replying. She casually wondered in the back of her mind if Hope's date or hook up was still there. But she stopped herself before she could go too far down that train of thought. She didn't really need to know.

“Yeah, I know,” Kelley replied. “I was busy.”

Hope nodded.

“Out with the team again?”

“Nah, I was with someone."

Kelley tried to say it casually as if she didn't care about Hope's reaction. As if she hadn't been using Ann to forget about Hope. As if it had nothing to do with her at all. She wasn't quite sure if she succeeded.

“Oh…” Hope said. “Uh, well… okay then.”

And Kelley wondered if she was imagining the disappointment in Hope’s voice. It wouldn’t be the first time hopeful thinking tricked her but before she could determine whether or not it was really there, Hope turned away. She muttered a goodnight before disappearing into her room, not giving Kelley enough time to respond. 


	10. Chapter 10

That night changed the dynamic between them yet again. Kelley was a lot more relaxed around Hope. It was easier knowing that she wasn’t the last person that she’d slept with. Somehow Ann had helped cleanse her of her short tryst with Hope. Hope on the other hand, was quieter. She spent much more time in the apartment now that she wasn’t occupied by her boyfriend but ever since that night, she had stopped being overly nice to Kelley. She wasn’t mean or rude or anything, she simply seemed to have stopped trying to apologize.

Kelley didn’t stop seeing Ann. Ann was everything that Hope could have been if only she hadn’t had a boyfriend and if only she hadn’t been her roommate. The sex was it felt good and they got along well. It was easy and Kelley liked Ann. She was sweet and smart and she could keep up with Kelley's banter. That, and the fact that she could sway from shy and quiet to sexy and alluring in half a second. Kelley was honestly a little sad that she hadn’t met her before she’d met Hope. She was pretty sure she could have fallen for her.

And that was what made things difficult. Because, at this point, Kelley could no longer deny the fact that she had fallen head over heels for Hope. It wasn't just a crush that would pass in a few weeks. Kelley felt more strongly for Hope than she had for anyone else she'd ever met. Despite how she had hurt her, Kelley could see the person Hope could be. She could be sweet and caring. She could be funny and smart and everything else Kelley wanted in a girlfriend. At the end of the day, she was a good person who had just made a mistake. A bad one, but a mistake nonetheless.

That thought kept Kelley up at night, because all those nights ago, Kelley had promised her that she wouldn’t have persecuted her over one silly mistake. And she had meant it. At the time, she had been talking about a very different situation. One that didn't involve boyfriends and sex but were the two situations different enough that Hope didn’t deserve her forgiveness?

It was usually when these thoughts became too much that Kelley called Ann. She felt a little bad about it, but she knew that Ann didn’t expect much from her. The other girl was fully aware that their arrangement was casual. Ann wouldn't mind that Kelley was using her to forget another girl. Of course things were never that simple.

* * *

Ann lay comfortingly half-on-top of Kelley as the freckled girl came down from her orgasm.

“Hey,” she said, as she saw the focus drift back into Kelley’s eyes.

“Hi,” Kelley replied with a grin.

“So that was nice.”

Kelley laughed lightly at the understatement.

“Yeah, sure. Nice is definitely the word I would use.”

A comfortable silence settled between them. That was usually how it went as Kelley tried to gather enough of her senses and motivation to leave Ann’s apartment. It also felt nice to be held every once in a while. Ann would wrap her arms around Kelley and trace patterns in the freckles on her shoulders while Kelley ran her fingers through Ann's hair. Eventually, Kelley would rouse herself and they’d say goodbye. But tonight, as Kelley shifted to get up, Ann’s arms tightened around her, holding her in place.

“Stay. Please?”

Kelley tensed. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to. To be honest, she would have loved to spend the night comfortable and safe in Ann’s arms and maybe wake up to some nice morning sex, but she was afraid of the implications. She didn’t have feelings for Ann, as much as she wished she could. She liked her as a person, as a friend, but she was afraid that Ann asking her to stay meant that maybe she felt more.

“I don’t think I should,” Kelley said cautiously. She didn’t want to hurt Ann’s feelings, but it might be impossible not to.

“Kelley…” Ann whispered and she looked sad. “I like you. And, I know this was supposed to be casual and it was at first, but I can’t keep pretending that I don’t care about you. And I hate ultimatums but, this is starting to hurt too much. I want you to stay Kelley. I really, really do. But if you don’t stay, I need you to stop calling me.”

Kelley stared at Ann. She debated staying. It would be so easy to stay, to try to forget about Hope while wrapped up in Ann’s arms. And maybe, eventually, she would. And maybe one day, Kelley would fall for Ann and everything would be alright. But Ann didn't deserve maybe. It wouldn't be fair to her. Ann wanted all of her and Kelley could only give her the parts that didn’t belong to Hope. She had to leave.

Kelley raised her left hand and trailed her fingers across Ann’s cheekbone and down to trace her jawline. She pulled her into a gentle kiss. It was the most gentle kiss they had ever shared, not born out of passion but instead of genuine affection. Ann understood that it was a goodbye. Kelley only pulled away when she felt Ann’s tears on her own cheeks.

“I’m sorry,” Kelley whispered, wiping them away. “I… I have feelings for someone else.”

Ann pulled away as if she’d been burned, hurt flickering across her features at Kelley’s rejection. Kelley never wanted to hurt her. She stood up from the bed slowly, gathering her clothes and putting them on. Ann just watched her silently.

“You… you have my number,” Kelley said. “I won’t call you, but if you ever want to be friends, real friends, no benefits, I’d love that. I…” Kelley’s voice cracked. Fuck she was going to miss her. “I understand that you might not want to so no pressure. But, if you ever do, I’ll be here.”

Ann nodded.

“So… uh, bye. Take care of yourself, Ann.”

Kelley turned, stuffing her hands into the pockets of her hoodie and for the last time left Ann’s apartment. She made it halfway home before the tears started to fall. Part of her was surprised that she was as sad as she was, but the other part of her knew that she shouldn't be. Ann had become more to her than just sex. She had become one of Kelley's closest friends. Someone Kelley trusted and was willing to go to when things got rough. She was kind and sweet and Kelley was really going to miss her.

By the time she got to her apartment, Kelley was a mess. She didn’t even make it to her room and instead simply sank down onto the couch and let herself sob. She forgot that Hope might hear, forgot that Hope even existed. And so when Hope came out of her bedroom and wrapped her arms around Kelley, she forgot that she was supposed to be mad and instead allowed herself to fall into her chest. Hope whispered soft words into Kelley’s ear that she didn’t bother to try and understand and she rocked her gently.

Eventually Kelley’s sobs became fewer and far between but Hope didn’t stop speaking to her softly and running her fingers through her hair until Kelley drifted to sleep.

* * *

Kelley woke up in her own bed the next morning still fully dressed in the clothes from the night before but with a blanket tucked under her chin and a glass of water on her nightstand that she quickly drank. Her crying bout the night before had left her drained and dehydrated. It took Kelley a while to get out of bed, but when she did, stretching her arms till her shoulders and spine cracked, she did it with the determination to not be sad anymore. She would miss Ann like crazy but what was done was done. She would give Ann the space she needed and just hope that maybe one day they could be friends. That didn't mean that she wasn't going to eat her weight in ice cream though. Leaving Ann might not have technically been a break-up but it sure felt like it and Kelley needed some comfort food. 

Kelley figured that she shouldn’t have been surprised to see Hope sitting on the couch in the living room when she walked out of her room. After all, Kelley would have done the same if she’d rocked her sobbing roommate to sleep the night before.

“Hey,” Hope said softly, “How are you doing?"

"Fine."

"Kelley," Hope said imploringly. "You literally cried yourself to sleep last night. You're not fine."

Kelley stared at Hope. She looked genuinely concerned. Part of Kelley didn't want to tell her, just to be petty. Part of her didn't want to tell her because she didn't want to tell Hope about the girl she'd been hooking up with. And part of her really, really needed someone to talk to about it. 

“I hurt someone close to me yesterday. I did it so that I wouldn’t hurt her more in the future and it was the right choice but that doesn’t make it suck less,” Kelley said.

Hope furrowed her brow.

“Kelley,” she said, standing so that she could look Kelley in the eye. “You were a mess last night. It can’t be that simple.”

“It wasn't that simple. I really cared about her…. She was a really good friend. In another world I might have even fallen in love with her.”

Hope stilled. Every muscle in her body just paused as if it forgot how to work for a second and then restarted a little more slowly. Kelley felt a flutter in her chest at her reaction.

“In another world?” Hope asked cautiously. And Kelley knew she wasn't imaging the disappointment or the jealousy in Hope's tone.

“Yeah, in another world. Because you see, in this world I met you first. And I could have loved Ann, but not after you.”

Hope’s jaw dropped. Kelley's heart fluttered again at the hopefulness she saw in Hope's eyes.

“She asked me to stay with her but it wouldn’t have been fair. Not while I had feelings you.”

“You… you have feelings for me?”

For half a second Kelley doubted everything. She wondered whether she misread the situation and whether or not Hope actually liked her back. She wondered if forgiving Hope was the right choice. She wondered if she’d get hurt loving Hope, who could be cold and hard as steel as easily as she could be as warm and gentle as sunshine. She wondered if she’d survive it if Hope broke her heart. All of these thoughts crossed her mind in a split second and she almost ran but Hope’s blue eyes were steady and sharp, anchoring her in place. She nodded.

Hope smiled a wide and joyful smile. She took a step closer till there was only two inches of space between them. Her breath, a little rushed and shallow, fluttered across Kelley's cheeks.

“You like me?” she asked, as if she couldn’t quite believe it. Kelley nodded again.

“Oh thank god,” Hope whispered and then kissed her. It was so different from every kiss they’d had so far. It wasn’t passionate or fiery. Kissing Hope like this made Kelley feel like everything was going to be okay. 

Kelley’s eyes were slow to flutter open when Hope pulled away.

“I thought…” Hope started and she looked down at her hands and chuckled nervously when she saw them shaking. Kelley took them in her own, holding them tight. “I thought I’d fucked it up for good. I thought you hated me. It would have been fair, you know, if you’d never talked to me again.”

“I know,” Kelley said. The sting of learning about Jerramy was still fresh enough that she winced just thinking about it.

"Then why? Why did you forgive me?”

“Because I care about you,” Kelley replied and the answer was more than enough. It was an echo back to the first time she’d said those words, to the first time Hope had let her in. Hope had made a mistake and Kelley had taken her time being angry and sad but in the end, all it had been was one mistake and Kelley loved her too much to not forgive her. Kelley could tell from the way Hope smiled through the tears that began to form in her eyes that she understood.

Hope leaned down to kiss her again but Kelley stopped her.

“You can’t do something like that again though,” Kelley said. “You know that right? Part of being forgiven for your mistakes means learning from them as well. I… I can’t forgive you every time.”

Hope paused. Her expression was serious and she seemed to be thinking about what Kelley said. She nodded slowly.

“I won’t. I promise.”

Kelley smiled softly at the older girl’s sincerity.

“That’s all I ask,” she said and then finally pulled Hope down into the kiss she wanted. 


End file.
